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Writer's pictureAmanda Riddell

Brain droppings 17.3.23

The RP movie orgy is playing pretty well. Need to fix the levels on Glad They Were Playing.


Switching out bits and pieces still - I fragmented Bad Man, and that worked awesomely. We have done a few Ads, like the Loutrek one, that might be cool to include. It's like taking a trip to an alternate RP reality. -

Seriously: no theatre, no gigs. The gay community didn’t have my back, and that’s why I’m not making the series. 🧨 Well, Jaye and Charmagne and Penny had my back - though apparently there's some infighting between them 🤣 - but I'm still hurting about what the drag queens said about crossdressers in the papers in 2020. It's not all about sex with me, but I do discuss sex (as do most drag acts). -


They can make their own version of my Torch Song trilogy. I’m just not doing it, but if people want a happy romantic gay wellington story, then they should tell their own stories.


There’s no implied promise; people just wished too hard onto my shorts. - No, I’m not interested in returning to NZSM. I’m not making nice with the Wellington people, and they need to be real about the fact that they hate my guts.


Those people needed a whole lot of privilege bubbles popped by me. And that they found that annoying suggests that I was hitting sore spots they were fully aware were privileged (but didn’t realise that the vox pop had no idea about 🤣).


I don’t want to teach for the uni. That’s the only thing I said - I’m fine to teach people, but I will not sign on for a tenured position. It’s that simple: no, no way, and cease trying to push me. -


I’d rather be a critic than a teacher. That’s why I’m doing criticism. If I was affiliated with the major arts institutions, I couldn’t criticise them (see: this is why I don’t respect James and Cass when they critique me .. they have cushy jobs with Circa, and receive money from CNZ basically every year).


That’s unfair - it’s like dipping from the trough twice. RNZ may dig Weeded Out and my tapes, but they're paying me to edit bulletins. 🔊👍 A lot of classical people manage that too with their uni/NZSO gigs, and it pisses me off.

- Why won’t I do the TV show? I thought my explanation from yesterday nailed it: I don’t want to walk the streets as Tina. I don’t want to be that famous. See, it’s not like FOTC: they got famous largely overseas, whereas if the show was a hit, I’d be famous here, and as a character who is way nicer than the real me. Jessie from Starstruck is probably nicer than the real Rose Matafeo, but that's an English TV show. Yeah, I'd seen her standup on TV when I was a teenager, but that's a different level of famous. That’s not something I’m keen for. I’d rather be famous for being Amanda Michelina the pain-in-the-neck political activist. Plus that’s actually me, and that’s easy to handle. I find Alice Snedden's approach to being on-screen rather inspiring - that line in Starstruck about "people say I could do it" cracked me up! - Hartford actually did the same thing btws. He got an offer to do a TV show in the early 70s, and blew it off to do the Areoplain album (which is one of my fav albums ever). - I’m also really insulted by this idea that it’s a 'racial' thing why I won’t work with Cass. Newsflash: Michelle Kan was the first person I asked about Shipwrecked. Or second .. one of the early ones. Michelle K is usually one of the first people I ask about my projects. He’s always busy, but usually replies promptly (unlike all the ladies who claim to love me 👍). - yes, 'racial' is a inverted comma line - I think that 'race' isn't a useful word for deconstructing structural discrimination. It's like "we don't use caucasian or negroid anymore because those words were invented by the race scientists of the 19th century, yet we still use the term for the category they invented? WTF?" .. For real: Lucinda’s my best friend, and she was the one I had to make ok with the Beach Song. Amber’s one of my other best friends. I was in love with Michelle Cameron - first person I ever said that to (and look how well that turned out lol .. 🦄). It has nothing to do with ethnicity. It’s a style clash: old Broadway vs. new Broadway. - This is why I don’t have a girlfriend. None of them see me as an equal, and that annoys me. That’s why I like Aidan, of course: she’s still the same as when we were students - well, sorta .. the attitude is the same, but we’ve gotten older. 🎶


..


Yeah, the cognitive dissonance of that statement struck me too: how can I think I’m married to Chloe, but also say I don’t have a girlfriend? 👀


That’s, I guess, what I was trying to get at during the LSD trip on Gary’s 60th: this whole Chloe affair feels like an arranged marriage. I’m not objecting to that, but it isn’t like having a girlfriend - it’s ultimately a relationship where we both put work above the romance. But, to continue the saga: I was gutted that the Valentine’s Day thing didn’t happen, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t at the meeting last week. I wanted to, but I guess I forgot to remind Gary. Plus I figured he wanted the whole hour for his rant. ✔


But after so many missed moments, it’s ok. I can wait: that’s the upside of not feeling like my lady friends respect me enough to bother to write to me (that includes you, Chloe 🤳).



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