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Writer's pictureAmanda Riddell

brain droppings 3.3.23

The reason I resist the autism diagnosis (which hasn't been officially diagnosed) is because it stigmatises my free time.


I mean, I never thought it was odd to listen to music all day until all this intense scrutiny.


And same with the simpsons episodes: comfort tv is a thing, and I remember cracked saying it was psychologically healthy. -


I'm not psychologically 'he' .. I just chose not to shave my beard when I came out.


See - signifier of masculinity, and that's why people then jumped to those (wrong) conclusions about my sexual orientation.


While since I shaved, it hasn't been like that. So, that's where I still blame the city of Wellington.


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I'm sick of feeling nobody is willing to be real with me, and that is what I can rely on from Gary and the cannabis dudes.


And work. That's why I'm enjoying the gig: it keeps me on my toes, but that's for my writing brain.

With composing, it tends to help to be aloof .. originality is the key, and original ideas are hard if you're plugged into the scene.


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Anyone who wishes to change my gender or my name will find that I won't change. I'm not interested in the conventional trans lady thing, and I'm not interested in being a guy, so people will just have to get the basic idea that I'm not either and that's fine. -


So yeah, you try being watched 24/7 before trying to judge if I'm coping well or not. It's not fun, and only someone as fucked-up as me could last.


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Yes, it feels like a new day for me with Tory in charge of the city. I definitely think one of the side-effects of Te Whakaahua was a takatapui boost too.


Btws it was Adrian's idea to add the chanting, but Stephen pitched the intervals for that part of the movie. It's me and Steve humming, which is rare as we never sing together.


But yeah, it seems like my friends/allies from the Maori world are totally down with me and what I'm about, while my Pakeha friends are mostly disgusted. Obviously, I bring an Asian influence to my style, but those cultures are generally tolerant of feminine guys; much like with Pakeha, it's the dresses that confuse the parents. quick answer: wearing a skirt or dress is way more comfortable than pants. Ask any guy who has tried it... Plus I like pretty things, and I wear the clothes well. 👍🏻


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As for Tamatha - I haven't decided if I'll do any PR for her. I'm going to vote for her, but yeah .. I don't like crowds.


Once you've been the Frankenstein monster being chased by the townspeople (i.e. me), crowds seem scary.



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Amanda Riddell
Amanda Riddell
Mar 03, 2023

Hmm.. Te Whakaahua in the Weed Tapes? I mean, yes, we made it for weed, so it totally fits under that category of The Weed Tapes, but it seems (to me) to be part of our legit artistic output rather than the stuff that's specifically 'for the cause.' The movie night is for both Orgy's, so it'd be in the first half. I'm planning a full evening, with a catered meal, plus some recreational drugs. I'm currently thinking we'll run the RP movie orgy first (Portrait of a Knight, Bad Man), then once the trips and stuff are kicking in, we'll throw on the Weed Tapes. 🖐🏻

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