Well, I think people might get the impression from the documentary that the guitar is the most important thing in my life. Well, I'd say that it was for a few years in my twenties, but for most of my childhood I wanted to be a sports star or something really serious. Played Canterbury rep soccer for a weekend tournament in Nelson in Year 8, then I got invited to try out for a football academy that was being formed in Christchurch. Had an injury on the week of the trial. I wasn't the most acrobatic goalie, but I was very good at cutting down the striker's angle so that the ball would come straight to me. What really happened was that I didn't grow fast enough, and people began being able to chip it over me or kick for the upper corners of the goal from free kicks. - But the outfits are what people remember. I didn't wear shorts: I wore the proper goalkeeper's leggings that Italian goalies wear when they practice, instead of shin guards: that came up one time, but most people took it as read that I had enough protective equipment on. Different era. My version of those leggings had the sexy stirrups! My team figured out pretty fast that I wasn't straight or cis or whatever. The Year 8 trip was with the girls team as well, and we watched Mean Girls: as a guy, I was always one of those guys that would actually watch a chick flick and stay awake. Except for Grease! Can't stand that movie. In Year 8, for my school team at Kirkwood, I was wearing this vibrant pink thing that was so girly that people commented on it. My fantasy was joining the netball team; ultimately my Mum began to really drive me into the music thing. I'm not saying she pressured me. I'd gotten a prize at the first guitar competition I ever entered, also when I was in Year 8 (I think). Still the same footstool that I use to this day.
Like, I decided that I was going to study music until I knew enough when I was 11, even though it meant taking time away from the world that I was born into. Had no idea what enough was going to mean, though. I'd say that was my goal until I was 24, so that's around 13 years where nothing mattered but the music. - As a cricketer, people seemed to think I had a little potential, but those two years in Italy where Dad was the only available cricket coach set me back a ways. Plus I'm too weak for men's cricket. Dad reckoned that Bert Sutcliffe was the batsmen to imitate as a leftie, but there's literally zero footage of him that I've seen, except some odd VHS tape that I remember from when I was a kid that was like a history of cricket in NZ. Dunno if Dad had ever seen him bat, as he grew up in the 1960's and 1970's. My grandfather Ross was involved with ND for a number of years, so perhaps he saw him bat in a club match. - After taking acid, it meant more to be out and trans. That journey from living in fear to coming out was a psychedelic journey. Writing this is making me feel like I'm dying. When I think back, I spent years preparing people for when I eventually came out. Dropping the odd clue here and there. I don't think Jane needed any clues: she was keen to have a student that would actually listen to a woman. For me, I took it as a given that my family would disown me if I came out. That was something that kept me in the closet for a number of years. After Dad died, I felt fully free to come out and be me.
I'd never thought that my father was gay as a kid, but there were some references that he made about going to the gay bar with the ATKK executives which flew over my head. Maybe he was... my brother and I both wondered about that.
Still, he was adamant that he'd never cheated on Pippa. She was convinced that he must have, but he told me bluntly that he hadn't -- Mum was a bit crazy back then. - I'd never go back in the closet, and it's insulting that people keep asking. Maybe I'd be more successful, but I think that's very unlikely. It's finally gotten to a point where my mana is enough to make people accept my quirks. Staring at my overdeveloped finger muscles while stoned and feeling depressed ... that's making me think that I'm dying. Was planning to buy a hemp balm to apply to my hand, but waiting for the money that's supposed to be coming into my account this week. Rebuilding myself as a professor of music is also like hell to me. I'm very much determined to pursue composing and making movies.
Re: Pippa. Well, my Mum was very butch without being a lesbian. She was a nightclub singer and accompanied herself on piano. She made a demo tape, which she still has, but found that there were a lot of predatory people. If I remember right, she briefly led a band as well. My oldest sibling was born in 1977, and I'm the youngest (1994). She had four kids, and my sisters were my half-brother's half-sisters.