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Writer's pictureAmanda Riddell

Deconstructing people's desires for me

1) I wouldn't find it restful to be in the Lilburn residence. I heard Briar say that it's drafty, and my boarding house is actually decently insulated. 2) Performing is the reason I went mental, not the way to save me. 3) Treating me as your equal means admitting that I'm not some retard that you felt sorry for, while still ultimately slut-shaming, but an adult human being with plenty to offer.


4) Turning down gigs is something that literally every musician does. Why is it just me that's being raked over the coals for saying no?

5) I never thought Weeded Out was a drag show. Your desire to make it into one is actually the reason that I turned down ALL the offers that were made. 6) My drinking isn't really that bad; nor is my weed use. It's the other pressures that make me become dysregulated or unstable.


Correlated, perhaps, but it's not proven to be causative.


- 7) If I went overseas, I'd probably get treated better. Make me want to stay here by allowing me to have the freedom to choose what I do with my life. 8) Well, I've never met Melie. She's obviously an amazing cricketer. Seen some games on TV, and possibly at the Basin. I'm still flirting via the channel with people, but I'm not really pursuing a relationship. I'd rather write some music, but until either the paranoia of being watched or the reality of being watched ends, it's really not going to happen. I'm a very private composer: I really don't like selling myself so much, but I sorta justify it on the basis that they're show tunes rather than legit music. 9) I don't need the NZSM to 'recharge' ... again, I need the surveillance to end, as it's making me too self-conscious.

I need to have a holiday, and I'm planning to have one at J Day.


10) I'm planning to do The Perfumed Garden and the Shipwrecked concept album. So, if you're hearing from me about those, I'm being 100% serious. If Don and Harry would rather do the Ragwort song, then maybe Phillip might be persuaded to sing Barry. - As for Taika and A Night To Remember: well, he hasn't gotten in touch, but people seem to reckon that he'd do it. We have mutual friends, so he's obviously a person to me.

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Amanda Riddell
Amanda Riddell
Oct 24

I'll say this: the 'coincidences' have really ramped up since Chloe became the co-leader. My life increasingly feels like some type of surreal farce. I'd say it's almost Truman Show-like. That's her extra security.

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Amanda Riddell
Amanda Riddell
Oct 24
Replying to

Yet, despite this, we didn't see each other at the Fight Back Together protest.


I sorta realised that she was in the crowd, but I don't like crowds very much.

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