I was never diagnosed with DID

And my psychiatrist laughed when I suggested that. I thought that because cannabis is a dissociative, and I was using the plant to process a metric ton of trauma. Obviously the me who was crossdressing privately during high school and uni was a different box than the me who had to go to those places. And when she met the world, it was horrifying. People definitely profiled me due to my ugly mug, so I refute the idea that I’m ‘pretty’. I have a decent body, but I don’t think my face is special, and it fucking irritates me to be thought of as cis because I don’t use makeup. That’s discriminatory, and perhaps why I make a big deal about those Human Rights Act stuff, because this definitely cost me some jobs. - Snark: I’m also not South African; but I am from the South Island… 🤣 To really poke the bear: surveys say that Māori prefer a segregated approach to race relations with Māori ownership of Māori things, and Pākehā prefer the softcore version. So yeah, this debate is shaped by the rich white people, which is why the ‘look the other way’ attitude to drug reform is so prevalent. That’s dumbass - and I hope my Vexations script shows that. - I’m not cis, and I am out so often that I refuse any ‘you’re not one of us’ arguments from any detractors. The Carmen Crossing stunt might be my claim to fame, but I dress like that regularly: I just like the grey hoodie. 🕸️ - Let’s be blunt: I think that people just prefer the guy part of me, but he died years ago and I just want people to be real about that. Those weeks of ranting incessantly, plus the life traumas, killed that version of me. There’s only Amanda left, and she’s (subconsciously) avoiding anyone who is likely to misgender or deadname her. 👍 I grew. I changed. I’d love for people to get that rather than pushing for me to be like I was… ‘that’s what everyone does’ lol. I identify as trans. I have a gender dysphoria diagnosis: that feels pretty trans to me. - Amanda isn’t as social as Michael was: that’s because this is who I am when I have time to myself to be myself. Otherwise I get sucked into other people’s stories, usually as the dweeb or whatever, so I’d rather play to my strengths, which are imagination and music. I trained to be a soloist, so why are people surprised that I spend most of my time alone?? - I’m not doing the OE until I’m ready. I’m not ready for 6-8 months of Pacific Island tours. I need to know what styles I want to pick up, and which teachers, plus what the budget would be. I don’t think anyone will shell out, and to be honest the thought of leaving Wellington scares me shitless. I’m also not done with Wellington: that’s what the show is about. ⚧️ - I took responsibility; I just kicked up a stink while doing that because I felt I wasn’t the only person to blame. I prefer to chat about other topics, but yes I can recall most of the nasty shit; that’s because sane me thinks those same things! I may nail love songs, but inside I’m deeply insecure (the transition exacerbated that) and caustic. - I used to be the cockeyed optimist, but nah Barry’s song is closer to my 2022 vibes. 👍

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