partial rant

I wrote a whole treatment about how I'm a shitty leader.

It's abundantly obvious: I have great ideas, but people seldom listen to me on a first or even twentieth repetition.

While my bro had the knack of getting people to listen.

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And I'm serious that anyone who wants to 'treat' my addiction is missing the point.

I'm not capable of being the old me. It's just not realistic to expect that when I obviously transformed my life.

And yes, the old me was stoned for the last few years where people started to vaguely like me.

Which I'm sure is why Chloe would have dug my links if she was reading way back then. Stoner telepathy lol

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But anyway, my main point is I'd rather be dragged through court than have to keep this up, but clearly my hands are tied.

That doesn't mean I'll accede to the demands of the artsy people. In fact, the threat behind those offers is the very reason that I'm so stubbornly refusing.

That they need to threaten me is why they can't have me. If they had written me like gentlemen rather than gearing up to sue me, they would have found a different Amy.

That's how I feel about the uni and every Welly person who I annoyed.

And three years of being treated like a leper has absolutely hardened my resolve.

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I don't want to be a music journalist right now because it's an election year and I have bigger fish to fry, though inevitably I will probably review some gigs.

But the upside of not being a pro is that I can pick which gigs.

and if the tapes are the reason people won't talk to me, that is silly. Because you're all listening, yet you can't face the idea that I'd say it to their face.

I think that those people probably aren't suited to working with me, and if I'm to be a journalist, i should have minimal conflicts of interest with the talent.

Which would not be the case if I did the opera. Because then I'd be unable to have the objectivity required.

It's not a requirement. Because I have said no, and NZ Opera should heed that no.

Nobody can tell me I *have* to be in the show. I absolutely refuse. There is nothing they can say.

I would rather do jail than do opera. That's how serious I am.

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Seriously, lock me away. I'm not doing the opera.

I absolutely refuse. I have said this for two and a half years, and I am not budging.

No, not for anyone. I absolutely refuse. Fuck luke, fuck the train you all rode in on, and listen when I say no.

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This isn't a one for me, one for them situation. This is me saying no, I have another career to pursue, and I'd rather be a real journo than play one.

That's why I have a real job.

No. Just NO. Fuck you all and listen when I say I am NOT making a theatre piece. Stop saying I must, when I'm saying I make films, and that is what separates me from them.

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There is no maybe. There is just no. If any of the girls want to work with me, it'll be for a studio album or a movie. No to any other options.

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No. I don't care that you'll let me play guitar. I refuse. It is NO to the opera company or Red Scare. Just no.

And that is my perogative. I do not want my name attached to shit work from NYU grads.

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No, not just for one number. No because I do not want to be part of a revue. I refuse.

I think that shit is tacky, and my album conveys the same thing way more effectively.

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I don't want to see Barbara that badly. That's my point: all of you actually left me to rot, and I do not want to pretend as if you didn't.

That's what really happened, and you can't salve your guilty consciences by giving me a shit part.

I do not accept responsibility for the occupation. I made my stance clear, and it was anti-occupation.

I refuse because you people mistook correlation for causation.

The lot of you can accept that I will NOT take the role. I will NOT help you with your problems, and if my CNZ research comes out the way I think it will, I'll continue
to make enemies among people who already hate me.

I do not need to make nice. I have gotten this far without that.

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I absolutely refuse. I do not need to get high to perform, I do NOT want to perform with people who still blame me.

I do not want to perform live, I am not interested. 

Write me real offers or fuck off.

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Stop asking me to apologise for my brother. I'm sick of it, and again, this is the guy who put me in the emergency room because I didn't want to come to the set.

To me, all of you are simply repeating the same tactics that my abusive brother used. I have said I am not a theatre kid, and that is final.