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Writer's pictureAmanda Riddell

Real talk

I just don't care. I don't want to be part of the academic crap.


It's annoying enough to have to do this. I don't want more. I want much less.


It's not the drugs - it's my broken brain. That wasn't a necessary outcome of the drugs: but it was an outcome of the illegal market and some serious transphobia:


I got beaten up. My brother basically disowned me. My family actually did. My few so-called friends ditched me at the first sign of trouble.


One of them came onto me. I don't want to go on an OE. I don't need to leave the country to prove my point that the funding is highly concentrated towards the establishment.


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I want my readers to let me do things at my pace. I do not want anyone's help at the moment, and I do get to say who I refuse to work with.


Plenty of people probably refuse to work with me, so this is my turn to refuse to work with people. ✊ -


I definitely need a producing partner, otherwise there won't be a TV show, but that producing partner has to be independent.


And, again, if people want me sober, then there won't be a show.


I refuse. I refuse to get clean. I have no plans to. I like to smoke the plant: I've never been stopped or hassled for smoking weed.


Except in the minds of middle-class and upper-class pricks. 🤬🧨


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And there is no version of this where I make up with anyone. I don't want to.


I can live here without needing to, as Jake doesn't run in my circles.


But yes, that is why I avoid new music gigs...


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The fact that people are 'keen' to work with me without writing me one word is also why I refuse.


You've put your feelers out, and so have I. But the response from me is a solid refusal.


I'm not gonna change for anyone, and if you don't like me, then fire me.


I'll get another job... it's happened before.


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Think of me as the person who you basically never got to see at music school: there, I just wanted to ask questions of every teacher, but this is the me that composes...


I don't want to ask questions of my peers because I'm too busy working on my own sound-world, and I think my relative isolation helps with the distinctiveness of

that sound world.


I'm moody. I'm temperamental. I was always like this. 🪶

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