see (I Got Lost In Her Arms) - this proves my point. With people, I'm average. Away from people, I'm amazing. š£
This is what it means to be marginalised - I never feel I have the space to be myself in front of people.
That's why I hate the theatre kids: they don't know how that feels. š¹ -
No, seriously - they don't have a clue .. success in theatre is about live eyeballs on you.
Success in movies is about how one reads on-screen; I read better IRL, but Michael/Amanda is fine in the Weed Tapes. Gary's the lead person, and he'd been practicing all his life. That's why I'd like a wrap-up segment: to show me full body in a dress/skirt walking alongside the pollies. Like that photo of Gary and Chloe post-Referendum. š
- snark/warning:
I'm not kidding, Cass - you have no idea how it feels to have everyone hate you; you gave the valedictory speech.
That's my point to you and James - you simply don't know how it feels to be rejected by Kiwis. š¦
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That's why I'm a composer. And a satirist. š¤£
That broke the flow - 1hr 30m into the second half of Orgy 1.
See - it's great, but it's not applicable to the May 2nd screening. ....
For superfans, it's fascinating, but I think that if I want Jacinda to come, it's gotta be the weed film. And I'd like her to come. š
I realise that technically she resigns at the end of April, which is why the early May date is appealing.
But yeah, I think that if I'm using Gary's connections to host it: it's gotta be the weed film only. Other MP's could see how much of my RP Orgy they could stomach.
Practical reasons as well: 5hrs from a 6pm start is 11pm, and the weed film is 5hrs 30m.
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As I say, the RP Orgy is mostly interesting to me: everyone already had that experience, while for me it's new.
While the Weed Tapes is something totally new to me (and my fans).
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It really is about the cause for me - yes, it'd be theoretically interesting if Americans want the whole package, but for me that's an abstraction.
I'm just not going to do the Tina thing.š¾ I'm not willing to forgive people for the first few years of being Amanda. -
I'm sorry; that's how I am. And starting from the 'I tried to kill my brother' standpoint was insanely difficult.
I'm really pissed the cops thought that. Like, you have no idea; if I'd had that sort of power, Lauren would have been Rachel.
It's hard to describe how I felt for her: that's the first time I really fell in love. And yes, she's way older than me. š
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I love Chloe too: just pointing out it's not the first time. š©
And I grew to love Chloe - yes, she was very impressive IRL, but it was the commitment over time that impressed me.
All my lady friends are crazy smart; that's a prerequisite.
But yeah, Chloe's brand focus was off-putting to me, and I never really thought she knew who I was until 2021; which was why I trolled her in 2020. I sort-of thought she was into me then, but I thought it was too random to be true. š
- For the shrinks:
I prefer to put a positive spin on my twin bro; sexual abuse sounds so real it's a little scary. I sent Michelle C that article because it pointed out that incest isn't unusual. We're not talking recovered memories here: we're talking stuff we'd both agree happened (though it might be interpreted differently).
Regardless, yeah, he fondled me and pinned me down a lot. And beat me up.
Then our family sort of thrust us into the 'marriage' situation. And we tried to protest... It wasn't all a one-way street, but we never thought it was sexual.
I think that evening when he jumped there was something else in the air. Luke Tetlow would agree...
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I'm sure the girls from Burnside would remember me with a black eye from when my brother beat me up.
And the film set from Portrait of a Knight.
I may be crazy, but I'm not violent. That's Stephen. š©
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As for the Tina story: well, I really thought I was going to do that, then I realised I didn't want it.
That was 2022: I'd been doodling with that script since 2020, and 2023 me is fine to let it go.
I think enough people read it - alongside the Big Smoke film - that it made the necessary point.
I'm very serious about wanting to publish the book, though; after reading Bullshit and Jellybeans, I'm convinced that's the way to go. Yeah, the Weed Tapes capture some of my Shadbolt energy, but the book would nail it. š„
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