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Writer's pictureAmanda Riddell

To Wellington

Yes, I saw Jian's playing the Left Hand concerto by Ravel. No, I'm not coming.


  1. I can't really afford to.


  2. Cease and desist means that all groups must stop asking me to perform Pan, and that all groups must cease asking me to do an MA at the NZSM, and that all groups must accept that I'm writing a book rather than making a movie re: Tina.


Stop trying to butter me up by doing stuff that you think I'll like. I'm not autistic, and I have the theory of mind to discern the real motivations. I'd also add that the only strange thing that I do at concerts is that I have the audacity to tap my feet and groove in time to the music, which is bog-standard at every other music concert.


Hating the vibe of classical concerts actually means that I'm probably more like normal people: it's not a sign of neurodiversity -- it's a sign that the formal rules of that world are incredibly stupid (and a fairly recent innovation). See, I took music history too!



Classical music needs to stop treating me as a retard. In order to do so, they need to accept that I want to question them about their business tactics, their state support and the ever-dwindling audiences.


I'm not the pretentious twat clutching their pearls at the funding cuts I'm describing as AMPP: that's the same establishment that keeps telling me I'm a sicko that can't be trans, even though saying that goes against the advice of my mental health professionals.


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Stop feigning tolerance for trans people now that I've publicly shamed you into admitting that you thought I was a pervert, and were proven wrong.


Jian, being gay, is one of my supporters. But yeah, those people ruined my life, and it takes something other than a concert to make it right with me.


Accept that my complaints are valid, and it takes more than playing a piece of music I'm a fan of to alter the fact that you all took Jake's side about whether he assaulted me.


Playing a piece of music doesn't make up for 2 years of 'be Tina or go to jail.'


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Something I've learned doing all this politics stuff is how to smell when people are sniffing my arse because they want something from me.


All they want is to play the first movement of Pan's Preludes as a 21st century version of the Aotearoa Overture to demonstrate wokeness about March 15, which is ironic because that was never the actual intention of the music or the video... subconscious, but probably just people clutching at straws.


Fine: I've asked Chris Everest to look at it, and I expect that the orchestra who wants to play it will pay me a licencing fee, as well as for engraving time and for producing the parts, which is quite time consuming.


Owen could easily do it as well. So, yeah, Orchestra Wellington: play my piece rather than wishing that I'd get up on stage with you -- the only valid answer is no.


I'm 30, and I need to spend this decade composing, interviewing and directing films rather than going on pointless tours around the world to play a piece.


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Though people may enjoy my renditions of standards, I'm famous for my original pieces, for my films, and for my political activism. Give me the same type of respect that you show to Salina or Simon or Alex.


The only valid way to reintegrate me to the classical music society is to respect that I'm setting boundaries based on their previous behaviour towards me. Those are clearly outlined in the cease and desist letters, and they are fair, legitimate and reasonable, given your attempts at conversion therapy, NZSM faculty and other classical nerds.


Respect my letters as legal documents; respect that this isn't reciprocity, largely because it has an agenda; respect that I've made my own choices about studying and what to compose.


Respect that I refuse to compose until the NZSM stops reading over my shoulder, and that I refuse to go to gigs until I get a public apology for the conversion attempts that all these privileged sods have tried. All it takes is admitting that this has been an arbitrary exercise of coercive pressure that hasn't generated the desired result: I'm angrier than ever, and no must mean no.


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PS: no, a leaner, meaner Tina also can't exist. I'm writing a book: take the hint, Tory, and accept that I'm saying no to Wellington Central, and that they must legally respect the contents of my cease and desist letters to alter that outcome.


Respecting those letters = no Tina, no gigs. But it might mean a Perfumed Garden opera or Shipwrecked on Islands animated film being produced in Wellington and bringing in a similar amount of money.

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1 Comment


Amanda Riddell
Amanda Riddell
Sep 25

The gig prohibition is just for Wellington Central. Other places/venues are fine.

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