Why don't I care about live performances?

I sense this baffles people, because technically I perform live on Facebook. The reasons are fairly simple: 1. I have chronic performance anxiety, and live gigs make me too emotional, particularly as nobody ever comes to my gigs when I do bother to set those up. 2. I write for the screen. It's just what I do: I don't really care about plays or communal feelings -- I care about nailing an emotion for the screen and everything else is second-place. And yes, the big screen is a theatrical experience too. That's why it is branded that way: it can totally provide the sense of community and the surreal nature of seeing people larger-than-life on the big screen. 👍 Theatre and live performance are just what most people who read me are comfortable with because that's what they do. Whereas I make movies. 3. Classical music gigs are interminably boring, and the rituals are so arcane that even someone who grew up around them thinks they're crap. I love the music, but it sounds the same on tape. I always dreamed of being a studio rat, and that's how it was at the Wallace St. flat. 4. I'm not a social person. Nobody likes me all that much, and most other gigs feel like they're trying to be too cool (while Classical revels in squareness). So I mostly listen to music at home, and I hope that by now any people who are wondering why I'm so stubborn might have realised I've been saying the same things for ages now. That's because my opinions haven't changed. I just grew up and graduated from Uni, so I haven't had to go to gigs for 7 years or so; hence, I go around as often as most middle-class people, which is a few times a year. 5. Simply put, I don't think I perform better in the flesh: I think my tapes are as good or better than any live gig that I've ever done.👍 If anything, the black screen sells the femme voice precisely because it doesn't show my face. So that's me using screen techniques to enhance an emotional experience, which is (again) what I specialise in. It's only people who are too afraid to be my real friends, but like my music, who would want the live experience; my attitude is fuck those people for being too fucking lazy to talk to me. Plus I know that nobody would attend, while I got several thousand link clicks for Hidden Emotions. The reason my screen character is a star while the real Amanda never was is because I can pay to get people to listen, while the real me has no word-of-mouth other than I'm a freak with freaky fingers: that's not what gets bums in seats for a live gig -- that requires being popular, which I am not. People may not actively dislike Amanda Michelina, but they don't exactly love her either. The FB marketing just plain suits me. It suits my yen to record a lot, and it also suits my desire to not repeat myself too often. I'm going to keep doing it my way, so yeah... nobody will persuade me, and that's just the truth: I'm not a gigging musician, and I'm 100% fine with that.