yeah, that anger…

I’m like that; it’s probably always been a thing for me, but definitely the activism has made me more sour and more willing to be obnoxious. I became a goalie as a kid for soccer because my tantrums were so intense, and I think that became a way for me to sublimate my desire to pick fights with the other kids. Guitar works too, but I also use that to channel and amplify my anger. 🍺 - I wonder what Chlöe is really like: she’s probably more ‘street’ than me, though my guess is she had a fancy education (though she dropped out). My sense is that she wants it to be casual if/when we meet. Which yeah, is easy enough for me, though I do occasionally have flashes of her reaming me out about some thing or other from my tapes. 🍺 - As for the trans thing: well, I thought it was funny when I said that about her. She’s totes butch imo, but that was just for fun.. I said ‘pretty sure’ rather than I was certain. - As for me: I thought I was pretty obvious with my dresses, and that’s what really made it sell in Welly. People totally read me as ‘other’, though ‘woman’ would have been nice. As I say, though, drugs and booze totally make gender more fluid and I personally prefer the femme side. Again, if I wasn’t a decent baritone people would read me as a woman more easily. But that’s a schism: people who like it when I sing like a girl vs. people who wish I’d sing as a man. ⚧️ As my script would have it, I aim to live as a woman, and that’s what matters for me. I realise these rants are all petty bullshit from some perspectives, but honestly all left-wing activism has that taint of preciousness. Shadbolt's book is giving me ideas, and what I'm digging about that is that he makes it clear he's no saint, and is pretty open about the lawbreaking. 👍 - Back to the point: well, if my brain is to be believed, I’ve spent around 18 months with Chlöe and others poking around, and yeah obviously I’d rather play that cool when we chat. - I think my enervating trip to the Uni proves my point there: the perceived hat-tips pissed me off, and I’m still angry about those. - I wish that I could be calm and cool, but truth be told I’ll definitely be weird if I get to talk to Chlöe again. I dunno how, but it’ll be weird and probably disconcerting. I'm sorta hopeful that some of the films I've plugged might have clicked some pieces into place for her about my vibe and my career goals. - Here's how professional I try to be: I don’t tend to want to fuck the singers, and even if I do, I use other methods to sublimate that. Like wanking, but the music is the main thing: I wrote a cycle that describes sex with a lot of specificity, and that came about without anyone boning.👍 I definitely want my tunes for Shipwrecked on Islands. That’s the main driver for me: though I interpolated a few folk songs, I really want the score to be mostly original. - More about the company: My twin brother Stephen was my collaborator for the last 10 years. I think we worked well together, despite our operatic BTS vibes, and the whole RP brand was able to accomplish something distinctive and (fairly) new. The shared universe vibe wasn't intentional, but I'm glad it came out that way; I think we produced a healthy mix of long-form and short-form videos, and the final series of Riddell Productions (the Amanda Michelina films + Bad Man) covered the middle ground. 'something for everyone..' lol .... I'd say that the occupation documentary was the thing that ultimately broke up the band: I had no problems with it, but the subsequent things that Stephen did were rather different to my own feelings. From what Megan told me, it seems like the Troubles broke up over Covid and junk, so Riddell Productions was just like many groups who fell apart during the pandemic. However, we'd been growing apart since late 2018 -- and in 2019 we had a pretty serious difference of opinions (which also nearly broke up the band). Re: the occupation I thought the first documentary was observational in a vein similar to the other Fresh Culture programs. It had a slant, but so did the cannabis films or the Geoff Simmons film. 🍃 Stephen was keen to balance things after the first documentary was released, so I tried to jump on-board and help with that. I was hopeful we’d get a balanced piece with the Government spokespeople for another Fresh Culture, but that wasn’t what happened, and then Stephen was committed for his insanity on the eve of flying down to Christchurch to interview Minto. One thing that I definitely think is that the first documentary made it more difficult to get MP's or the Police to speak to us. Because it was an 'activist' film, while had I been working for RNZ then, perhaps I would have had more luck. I watched Fire and Fury like everyone else: some beautiful shots, but I felt like the cinematic slickness almost sold the ideas of the extremists (which is also a snark at a criticism I feel my work often receives ... my opinion of that is that the cannabis policies are sensible, and the films present those). - I hope that I’m not scary the way Sondheim was, but yeah I probably am. I dunno: I had lots of eccentric mentors, so I’m sure those influences are a part of me too. 👍

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